Rejection sucks (watch me tell rejection stories here lol)
No one wants to feel rejected.
Not in friendships. Business. Social settings.
Wearing weird clothes (flashback to 5th grade in that sweater that Emily Ackerman made fun of).
Saying the wrong thing online (like, ah, I want to say the RIGHT thing for Black Lives Matter, but HOW).
Not fitting in (that weird mom).
Not being liked (do I complain to the first-grade teacher).
Being attacked (If I post political stuff online, I don’t want a fight on my page).
Being ridiculed. Being WRONG. Being shamed. (I am wrong, I am inappropriate, I fucked up)
We’re designed to NOT want this! ALERT ALERT! DANGER!
It is so fucking wired into our human survival.
Don’t get abandoned out in the cold, alone.
And so when it comes to our marriage… our bed… our most intimate moments, HELL NO do you want to feel rejection.
Sitting on the edge of your bed, wondering why you don’t feel like having sex can feel like a mystery.
Just ask yourself why?
Gently peel the layers back.
What if it’s as simple as not wanting to feel a big, gnarly (and scary) emotion?
Such as rejection, vulnerability, heartbreak, devastation or shame.
Confusion or low-grade dread are easier to handle yeah?
This is 100% normal.
It’s HUMAN to avoid rejection or any of these “scary” feels.
Being intimate invites us to reveal our soft belly.
Intimacy requires us to be emotionally naked and honest WITH OURSELVES first.
So when you’re sitting there on the edge of your bed, angsting about what the fuck makes sex so challenging these days…
be soft with yourself.
Ask yourself “why, my love?”
What feels scary or terrible right now?
And then allow that feeling to be FELT… it can’t hurt you.
Let it rattle and shake and rumble and squeeze.
It’s yours from your own brain.
This is how you demystify and stop being the damsel in distress of your own life:
Feel what you’re afraid of feeling.
And when the feeling feels less alarming and absolute truth, we can figure out more intensional thoughts… that make sense to you.
listen to this podcast and I walk you through my feeling intentionally process.