TEN Pleasure Tips

Do you meditate?
Cool.
I am working on it.
I love meditation, but don’t do it super regularly.But I do love how I can practice awareness of my thoughts, breath and body & feel something true in the moment.
And that subtle awareness is something I can drop into all day- like just noticing when I hold my breath or am spinning out in my head.

Last month one of the ladies in my Electric Ladies Lounge on FB suggested I lead a naked meditation.

Immediately I thought, I am so not qualified! Im not spiritual enough or in tune with nature or at one with my emotions.

Obviously a slew of blahhhhhh, sloppy ass thoughts.

But then I just thought, hmm this COULD be super fun.

It was.

So here we go again!

I pre-recorded this 20min audio so you can try it at your leisure!

Here’s the link.
Be naked.
Eliminate distractions.
Create your space with a pillow to sit on and easy temperature.
Love the discomfort and all the awareness that comes with your naked body.

I’ve been thinking a lot about silence & helplessness.
As a white woman.
It’s a familiar feeling to be passively “waiting”.
Waiting for someone to take action, change the world, lead a movement.Waiting for someone to give me a blueprint for business, marriage, family and femininity.

Waiting for someone to protect me, awaken my body, turn me on, orgasm me and love me.I think it’s a damsel in distress syndrome that blindly afflicts so many women, and keeps us silent rather than messy, alone & broken.

To live small, oblivious, helpless and sweet is a privilege women of color in america don’t share.

But what is underneath all this helplessness is fear.

Fear of speaking up and being misunderstood.
Fear of asking for more and being judged.
Fear of getting it “wrong” and being abandoned and alone.

We damsel ourselves into under earning, over pleasing, numbing our emotions and avoiding feeling the pain within us and our neighbors.
I mean, for good reason too.

It was not that long ago in this country that divorce would equal loosing your children.

Teaching your daughters to behave, people-please and NOT speak out meant survival.

Your own sexual deviance could mean death.

It doesn’t surprise me that so many of us as white women struggle to be bold, embodied and fearless.

SO how do we speak up and trust our voice as enough AND scream with rage, sorrow and orgasm?

How do we trust our bodies AND ask for MORE pleasure and aliveness?

WE JUST START.

Notice your body, your pleasure, your voice, your opinions, your helplessness, your hesitance.
It’s all enough.

It’s just where you are right now.

We connect with ourselves first and keep curious.

We learn from our bodies, our history, each other.
You are NOT a damsel in distress.
You are a phoenix rising.

Open your mind, mouth and vagina and fucking breathe more fire.

You don’t need rescuing

You just need to start trusting your wobbly voice & body.

Lean in, listen & speak up.❤️

Just the Tip #7: You Bring the FUN.So. In order to create FUN SEX (or any kind of good sex for that matter), your guy isn’t actually in charge of making you feel good.

AND He doesn’t have to change for you to have better sex…crazy, I know.. but stick with me.

He doesn’t have to enliven, arouse, delight or orgasm you.

He doesn’t have to have a magical cock, telepathy, a swarthy accent or to talk with you for hours.

He doesn’t have lose the beer belly or never lose an erection.

Your pleasure (and laughter) is a decision you make.

It’s an inside job to open up & get turned on BEFORE he ever enters the room.

This gives you (and him) SO much freedom.

When you spend less time trying to change him, sex and connection isn’t so much work.

Sex is more fun & real.

It becomes easier to guide the energy between you two.

Less can go wrong, more can go right.

So, just like when you were grumpy at the long ass lines at Disney, over heated with a blister on your left pinkie toe…

And then you realized you could just enjoy your amazing Dole Whip Pineapple Ice Cream … bc YOU’RE at effing DISNEY.

You can DECIDE to shift your focus and have fun.

Dammit, sex used to be HILARIOUSLY fun!

Like rollin around, cackle laughing and thrilled to be just touching everything.

Grinding on the dance floor, arms wild, hips speaking, eyes closed and utterly drunk on “fun sex vibes.”

That LOUD screaming laugh that orgasms have summoned…

My friend, you can have the BEST, most fun sex of your life this summer.

I see it.

Your flirtatious foreplay starts in the morning.

Ass grabbing before you leave the sheets.

The wink over coffee.

The kisses at the nape of the neck.

The blush worthy day dream that for SURE makes you smile.

The invitation to have a good time that ACTUALLY feels like it will be a good time.

I want to hear that guttural ORGASMIC LAUGH all the way from here woman…. before lunch.

You down for a good time?

Good.

Let’s get to play.

Just the Tip #8: Get Your Vitamin O before Vitamin D

ya know what I mean girl.

OOOHHHHH Orgasms come first. FROM you. FOR you. Any time.

Vitamin D (Ya know, CAPITAL D), is another part of the Orgasm equation, but not your first priority for pleasure.

So let’s talk self-pleasure.

Last March I decided to put myself on a Orgasm-a-Day challenge.

I wanted to be in the driver’s seat of my own pleasure, my own body awareness and just to see what would change.

ALOT.

At the time, I realized I was using my personal orgasms as a tool for sleep (not a problem, but also slightly transactional).

So, with playful curiosity, I started trying masturbation in different ways (and not always just for climax).

In the morning.
In the shower.
Before meditation.
After meditation.
Before and after my self-coaching thought work.
Hanging out by the pool jets.
Internal orgasms.
Vibrators.
Dildos.
Before, during, after sex.
Involving erotic novels.
Exploring my own imagination.
Observing with a mirror.
THINKING about pleasure for myself.

AND MORE.

I wanted to know myself.

I wanted to be my own body expert.

I started noticing the gift of my body just as it was. AS IS.

I started noticing my brain leaning into more creativity & wanting more pleasure.

I started losing my grip on anxiety and pressure in sex.

I was turning myself on in the most curious, simple ways.

I started seeing my husband differently..

We have the power of pleasure at our fingertips.

It can be exactly what you want it to be — simple, organic and slow or elaborate, bedazzled and kinky.

So notice the emotions in your body RIGHT NOW as you are reading this.

Nervous? Intrigued? Pressure to “do more” or “get it right”? All in??

What do you think one week of masturbation might teach you about yourself…or one month?

Give a try & report back to me.