This week has been a heavy slosh of gripping anxiety, disappointment, urgency and hustle.
I made several goals and failed miserably.
At most of them.
I applied to work with a pricy 1:1 coach and just about choked with money anxiety (aka, my earning potential! value capacity!).
I had offers rejected.
I worked into the wee hours fueled by the tight grip of “never enough.”
I made a panicked airplane declaration of NEVER traveling with a toddler abroad again ….
I also spent an afternoon making sandcastles with Emilia
I soaked up a breath taking neon sunset against a twinkly mountain lake.
I traversed magical colonial cobblestone paths in San Miguel de Allende.
My heart is full and tight.
We are always a mix.
But I find myself fighting this duality… I should be happier.
I shouldn’t feel the doubt or anxiety.
Then, I’ll react to it and complain, nag, bitch, and bark.
I’ll resist it by scrolling, buying, eating or drinking something to STOP feeling the ICK.
I will ignore the “problem”, curse off Instagram, avoid my business, bottle the anxiety up and steam roll on.
Then when the heat passes, I’m a little hungover, less monied, more cluttered and foggy-brained in my business.
BUT, what if our mix of emotions was our best superpower?
Imagine little gremlin critters perched on your shoulders.
Some are anxious gremlins, others are curious poofy guys nuzzled up on you.
They are our muses.
Our critter muses.
ALL the feelings that inspire what we do or don’t do in life.
Sometimes they screech and holler, but we always get to decide whom we entertain.
So when the anxiety gremlin starts buzzing around my chest and gnawing at my jaw and shoulders…
When it’s whispering, “of course this isn’t working, you knew this would fall through, you’ll never get it all done”
I say, “oh hello little guy, I hear you, but I’m not going to spin out today…”
I don’t have to silence it or make it disappear.
I can carry it around, breathe it in, pay attention to WHY its so loud.
AND choose to see what ELSE is jumping around me.
I still have a sneaky little creative critter, smooshy love bug and that gritty determined dude hanging onto me.
I can still create some magic with another batch of thoughts.
Anxiety doesn’t have to disappear, but it doesn’t have to run the show.
This is what we all can do.
Lean in without reacting, resisting or avoiding.
Acknowledge it, stay curious, allow it in.
Stay in tune with the other feelings too.
Got some gracious, curious, playful, & creative critters?
DO more from the feelings you want,
AND just allow that anxiety to hang out till its ready to quiet down.
Your gremlins are harmless.
Your super power is in letting them dance around and deciding which ones will help you take action.
May you use your powers for good my friend and keep making that magic!