Life threw us a hell of curve ball this week. Last Monday, I rushed Emilia to Urgent Care with a rising fever, joint swelling and a freaky rash. After the doctor suggested possible Rhuematic Fever and sent us to ER, I had that quivery fake-strong, about to lose it mom-face don’t-you-dare-scare Emilia moment. I felt completely out of body as I carried her through the ER doors, willing myself to be strong bc “children smell fear and fear is BAD.” I was complete resistance to an emotion. I was terrified of own fear.
So I thought, how do I want to show up right now? I knew if I spun out on worst case scenarios I’d be a blubbering basket case. I want to be focused on the facts when I talk to the doctors, loving and non-alarmist with Emilia and compassionate with myself through this process. Which meant feeling some feelings AND minding my #minddrama.
Since then, she’s been through many doctors, tests, pokes, meds, writhing pain, unsightly welts, hours of youtube kids and the sleepless delirium of hospital life. She thankfully does NOT have some crazy disease of ole (HSP to be exact is an autoimmune reaction that will run its course over the next month, but rarely hospitalized, so yep, she got it bad).
While this week has been long and I HATE to see Emilia go through roller coaster, but the craziest part?
I am not exhausted.
I feel clear and driven.
I feel purpose and deep rooted gratitude.
My brave girl is ALIVE and not diagnosed with any terminal alarming condition. That simple knowing, gave me such perspective early on with this entire experience. She is healing.
We have so little control in life… In fact, the only thing we can control is our thinking. Which is worth everything, I can decide if I like my story about the facts and how I show up as a mom, a partner and coach.
So tonight, from the yellow light of the hospital bathroom, I don’t want to send this email. I am filled with doubt, and anxiety, overwhelm and all the human emotions that make me totally normal.
So,here is where I’ll begin: my ideal FUTURE where:
- The world is lush and colorful.
- Grown adults keep dreaming so damn big because they believe it’s possible
- People use their imaginations to take risks, create wealth & beautiful thriving businesses. They find solutions to illnesses and make weird art and show up 100% in own relationships.
- People all have a voice and can feel empowered
- Negative emotions are no big whoop. We can feel frustrated, inadequate and shame without going glass-eyed zombie and freaking out, self-destructing, and eating innocent peoples brains out (or binge out on an entire pint of Ben & Jerrys, an impressive pile of those tiny Coronas, and watching STRANGER THINGS… for example)
- It’s possible for us think & act from a place of abundance… even when the bank account is negative -$7… oh wait, now it’s -$39 because the overdraft fee just posted.
- This world not “better” or less sick or perfect, but fuller, more authentic and therefore full of SO MUCH POSSIBILITY.
Do you see it?
What makes this world possible?
People that summon up their badassery, make their magic in the world and keep pressing into the unknown… especially when their scared.
What is your silly ole idea your tossing around in your head, but just can’t seem to find the time/money/ confidence to put words into actions (and dollah dollah bills!)?
What’s your story that keeps that dream “impossible and complicated” and just out of reach?
The longer you wait, the longer it takes to get what you want.
I’m looking for dreamers ready to become doers… make hella money, create more passion, and live a life in #crashbangcolor.
If you’re ready, click here. I am offering free hour long consultations to see how coaching could help you dream bigger, get “unstuck”, and finally get some tractions towards that sassy future you can create.
Keep dreaming my loves, the worlds needs your light and vision.
PS While transferring hospitals and loading up the ambulance, Emilia immediately told the EMTs that she sometimes rode in the car without a seat belt. I was all, HAHAHAH IN THE DRIVEWAY.. OH HA #fact… she thought that was hysterical. 😉
– William Shakespeare